Until fairly recently, I never had much to do with a vacuum cleaner.

I did have to vacuum my bedroom once a week as a teenager, but that was about as far as I got - until I went flatting.

That was when I learnt a very important lesson.

When there are no females around, vacuum cleaners bite men!

And what's more, it hurts!

Now I can hear lots of women shrieking with laughter that this is a piss-weak excuse for men not doing the vacuuming.

But I can also hear a lot of men saying 'shhh', as they don't want to admit they are afraid of being bitten by a vacuum cleaner.

Or that they don't want women to laugh at this weakness - which is often why us men are reluctant to 'open up' to women about any of our weakness, fears, etc.

Or that they are very pleased that vacuum cleaners can't jump.

Or admit that biting vacuum cleaners are why they are so hestitant to do vacuuming.

Even when there is a female around.

Especially one that has never been bitten by a vacuum cleaner - at any time - so they wouldn't understand.

So we keep it to ourselves, as we know vacuum cleaners only bite men.

And we don't even talk about it to our mates, for somehow the vacumm cleaners know and get really nasty.

And that's why it's safer to leave them in the cupboard.

But I must admit that now I am a ManAtHome, I have had to overcome my fear of being bitten.

Mind you, knowing the vacuum cleaner is scared of the cattle-prodder I bought has made me much more confident.

But what's more scarry is that the vacuum cleaner has become a favourite toy of our youngest son.

I'm thankful he hasn't been bitten, yet - perhaps vacuum cleaners don't bite blokes when they are babies or kids.

But, I'm even more thankful the boy makes motor noises when he plays with it, so I know he's not gay.

Otherwise I'd really be scared.